Kc Rossi 0:00
Hello beautiful! Welcome, welcome back to the podcast. Today I have a special guest, it is Angela Kristen Taylor. And we talk about the value of owning who you truly are, what to do if you experience an identity wobble. And you've probably heard me talk about when I had an identity wobble when I went from my seven figure, chocolate manufacturing company and 20 years experience with a business partner to solopreneurship. I definitely felt that identity wobble. We also talked about what gets in the way of playing big, and also what to do about it, how to utilize your past to fuel the present you because let's face it, at this point in our lives, we have some things that we're going through, we have some baggage, we have some childhood trauma, we have limiting beliefs, we have certain things that occurred in our past, and you are going to learn how that can actually become fuel into your current self into the present view. And we're also going to wrap it up with strategies to fulfill your ideal life. I know you're going to enjoy this episode, especially for this time of the year. But really, anytime you're listening, I think it's going to be a shot of inspiration. So sit back, enjoy. Angela, welcome to the show.
Angela Kristen Taylor 1:25
Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.
Kc Rossi 1:27
Yeah, I'm happy to have you here. I know we're gonna have an awesome conversation. I want to first start off with you have said in the past that the old you was a chaotic hot mess.
Angela Kristen Taylor 1:40
Oh, yeah.
Kc Rossi 1:42
And I would love it if you could share at what point in your life did you just realize this is not working? How I'm going about life and business is just not working and I need to change.
Angela Kristen Taylor 1:55
God, You know, it's a really good question. I feel like it's a constantly evolving thing. So I'll say I think the the first time I recognized it was very different from how I recognize when that comes up now. Because I think it's it's still something that always comes up as we're, we're ready to shift and grow. Something's not working. And then that is the catalyst for what needs to happen next. Right. But I'll tell you that even though this has happened several times, I think that the main factor that comes to play, especially from the very beginning, when I was first recognizing it, was that I had to own who I actually was, and am right, I have to own that in myself so that I understand. Am I Is there really a problem here? Or am I trying to adhere to other people's stories that don't work for me? Oh, interesting. Yeah. And that was a really big one. Because I was just saying this on an episode that I recorded earlier today on my podcast was, I was talking about how my mother because she was so organized, and so meticulous, I mean to an OCD level, like literally there was an OC factor there. And so in her mind, if I couldn't be like her, then I would always be lazy, I would always be a mess, I would always be a disaster. And so it my earliest stories that I was creating for myself around who I was, was that I'm lazy, I'm a disaster, I'm a mess, because I wasn't her. And I didn't measure up to that standard. And what I came to realize was that there was more than one way to be productive, to be organized to be structured. And I didn't know all of this back then. But like, now I can look at it and say, you know, my brain works very differently from the way my mother's brain works, for instance, right? So and So. Yeah, it really is. And so, you know, I've recognized this, very specifically like having children, where, you know, you see your own children, you're like, oh, their brain works kind of like mine does. They're different. Okay, and then you you try to and then they're they're all different. So like, you know, my, my young, my youngest, the only one that I still have at home, his his brain is sort of a combination between me and my husband's which is really interesting, because our brains don't work the same. But his is sometimes like mine in certain areas, and then other times like my husband in certain areas. So what I found is that, and this is why I teach productivity. The way that I do is that we each have our own natural strengths and weaknesses and things that make us who we are and things that take away from that. And we need to stand in and just own it. Because there's no mistakes like there's nothing wrong with who you are. Inherently. It's just you understanding it and owning it and then saying things like, you know what, like, one thing for me that I was really bad at was paying bills on time, because I could not ever remember to go in on a certain date and pay it. So when I started to say, instead of trying to always correct myself, gee, you're such a mess, you can never pay a bill on time and just just beating myself up for it, instead looking at saying, okay, so your mind doesn't like to focus on due dates. Bills have due dates, how can we work around this? Okay, so what I'm going to do is, I'm going to go to the beginning of the month, and I'm going to set everything up to auto withdraw, and then I don't have to think about it. Brilliant. Everything's paid on time.
Kc Rossi 5:45
I love the workaround. That's amazing. Wow, you mentioned so many great things. One, I think it's fabulous that you took the insight from your childhood and those dynamics and put it into play with you being a mom and actually just being open to the fact that your children's, you know, brains work differently, stimulated differently. So kudos to you on that, because I know, it takes a lot of personal development to break the patterns and break the habits of what has been modeled to us. So I think that's incredible. And I also feel like, there was a sense of freedom, like, freedom to be yourself, yeah, kind of came about once you gave yourself permission, or at least acknowledge, like, wait a second, I can still be fully me and fine, if it's not compared to your mom. And I'm sure a lot of listeners can relate to that. One of the things that you mentioned, though, that I it kind of struck me but you said like, when you were really kind of like coming into your own, so to speak, or like, understanding the aspects of you. If we have a listener that's like, I don't know what my identity is, or maybe their identity has been shaken, maybe they're in a little bit of an identity wobble because they're pivoting from something or they're coming off a divorce or a struggle or fill in the blank, like, what's your advice for them to get anchored in exactly who they are, so they can feel confident in their identity?
Angela Kristen Taylor 7:14
Yeah, you know, that's, I think that a lot of times, we tend to anchor our identity in other things, right, instead of actually who we are. So it is easier to have that shaken. You know, I see it in a lot of my, my clients, when their kids are at that stage where they're, they're moving out of the house, and it's like, you know, then it's like, Well, who am I? Now, if I'm not mom, on the daily, right, who am I now I don't know, where if they go through a divorce, then it's like you're saying it was like, I don't know who I am now, without the husband? You know, I've had clients who have lost their spouses, and then it's like, who am I now? You know, and so there's always that, that sense of, there's something missing now, that was there before, and now it's not, I've found in myself, I've been through a lot of those little identity crises, for different reasons. You know, I mean, I was married, and I was divorced those a single mom, than I was part of a blended family, you know, with my, my husband now. And he had two kids, I had two kids, and then we had a baby. And it was just like, you know, who am I? I, you know, was an entrepreneur, before that. I was a realtor, you know, I mean, there were all different things, we can really anchor ourselves in these different pieces. But when you step away from all the pieces, who are you? And that's really the question that you want to get to, is who are you without all the things and that really is about your values, you know, your values and your your ideal. And, you know, this is one of the things that I do with my clients is taking them through this, this exercise I call setting your GPS, which is just imagining what a day in the life of your life, you know, a day in a little bit, a day in your life would be like, if you could have anything, if there were no restrictions, no barriers, you could just have this ideal experience. What would that be? And I do that with them in a in a guided meditation so that they're not pulling from their imagination or their what they think they should have. But really pulling from what just going into a space of what do you see? And then what happens is things pop up, that they're saying, I didn't even know that was in there alone and realize that that's something I wanted, yet I see it in my vision. I see this here. That's so weird. I didn't expect that. And that's a really good way to really start to tap into who you are, as an individual is to really understand what do you want? Because sometimes, you know, we get lost in the things in the people in the careers in the way that we serve. And that can still be like at home, right? It can be with a pet can be with so many different things.
Kc Rossi 10:22
What gets in the way, Angela, when they're trying to tap into even that permission, granting of what do I desire? What do you think gets in the way, because I love the fact that you guide them through. And I think it's amazing to see what bubbles up when they're dreaming big when they're even getting guided to create that stillness and space to see what comes up in their mind's eye or in their heart's desire. But what do you think gets in the way for women to have big dreams and desires?
Angela Kristen Taylor 10:56
Usually, it's it's one of two things. It's either the shoulds, I'm supposed to want this, right? Or it's the feelings of I can't have this. I'm not good enough for this. I don't deserve this. My parents never had that. So I can't have that. There's a lot of I can't, and I should.
Kc Rossi 11:23
Wow! Yeah, absolutely. And how can we chip away at that and dissolve some of those limiting beliefs or algorithms of if this happens, then I'll be able to XYZ?
Angela Kristen Taylor 11:33
You know, I think it really goes back to that question that you had around the identity. You know, it's figuring out who you are, without all those things. And when you figure that part out, then and like I said, that is is your values, it's what it is that you truly want, without the shoulds, without the cans, and when you start to identify that, that there's a, you know, people talk a lot about having a big why. But I think even then big why's go into the shoulds and the cans. And you know, and in reality, a lot of us, what we're after, is freedom and safety, security, you know, we just want to be loved, we want to know that we're safe. And we want to have the freedom to do the things that we want to do when we want to do them. And that is really all any of us are after. I mean, if you boil it down, we're all really after the same big why? You know, but
Kc Rossi 12:32
My hand is raised for all three of those points.
Angela Kristen Taylor 12:34
Yeah, you know, we all are we all are really, so it's figuring out why do you want those things? What does that mean to you? If you think about those three things, what does that mean to you? So for instance, for me, you know, when I think of safety, and security, it can go back to my childhood of never feeling like I had safety or security, you know, that I was, you know, my parents were divorced. And I was the oldest and I had a little brother, my dad worked nights, and he left us alone. And, and you know, I mean, if you're six years old, and you're home all night, every night by yourself with a three year old to take care of. That's scary, you know. And so it's not that there was anything abusive, necessarily going on, it was just frightening. And so yeah,
Kc Rossi 13:21
I didn't mean to interrupt you go ahead.
Angela Kristen Taylor 13:23
And that's fine. I was just gonna say it's just, it's just, it puts us into a space of really needing a sense of safety and security. And then that translates to what you want to create for other people. Right? So that's what you want for your family. That's what you want for your clients. So you start to create something, then you realize this is one of your, your big values is is safety, security to know that you're loved. It's like those things have meaning to you. And then you can say, well, if those things have meaning to me, then what does that make me? Right? And I think we put too much emphasis on I have to be this kind of person or this type of person, instead of just saying, You know what, I'm all kinds of things. And that's okay.
Kc Rossi 14:05
Yes. You know, again, so much wisdom in that. And I want to unpack it a little bit because
Angela Kristen Taylor 14:13
Sure
Kc Rossi 14:13
For those that have similar situations, or even can have a me too moment of like, yeah, absolutely. Like I can completely relate to what you're saying. Even if the specifics are different. We have these childhood issues, that even though we have the insight we're carrying along some kind of ripple effect in our day to day life when you were sharing that about your situation and thank you for being vulnerable. Oh, yeah, no problem. So for those that also can relate to like unintentional emotional neglect is what I heard.
Angela Kristen Taylor 14:45
Yeah.
Kc Rossi 14:45
What I see in clients also in myself is this need for people pleasing over delivering and perfectionism from this kind of adaptation of trying to be safe trying to make a predictable environment, trying to get noticed maybe by overachieving. I'm really interested, because I know that you bring in a lot of emotional work in your work. How do you help clients? Actually, first of all recognize it, but then, at this point in their adult life, not compartmentalize, how do they utilize emotions for their benefit instead of being dragged down by them?
Angela Kristen Taylor 15:25
Yeah, you know, I think that with it depends on your perspective. So I'm going to give you my perspective, and not everybody's going to agree with this. And that's okay. But I will say that my perspective is, I believe that there are no mistakes, and that we experience things that are going to create or act as a catalyst for us to go off and do other things, right. And so oftentimes, we can find a lot of what we identify with is our purpose in our pain, right? And so we can have these experiences from childhood and have these emotions. But just simply having awareness around how they show up when they show up, can be enough to light us on fire and set us free, you know, and it's because things like, you know, saying, Well, you know, just give you an example from my own life, I am easily triggered by my mother, why am I easily triggered by my mother, you know, I know this because my mother was always working, she was always busy. When my parents divorced, there was a massive, very ugly custody battle, which my father won, and then he would purposefully withhold us from her to torture her. And so even though I know my mother loves me, there was a lot of distance between us growing up. And then by the time I got back to her, I was 13 years old, and had raised my younger brother. And so I was used to being the mother, I wasn't used to being told what to do, or that I had boundaries or anything like that, because my dad was either at work or asleep, I did everything. And so I didn't know how to be a child. And so there was so much distance, and we had so much conflict with each other. And so even now, where it's, it's something that will come up for me, and I'll see something that just reminds me of my experience with my mother or my experience with my father, because there was so much absenteeism in my childhood, that when I see that come up, I recognize it. Oh, this feeling is coming up because of that. And then I say, Okay, what's the real story here? And then I can move forward with a story that doesn't involve that? Yeah, because I'm seeing it. And it's like, oh, this is just that. Okay, let's shuffle this out of the way with left. Okay, I'm good.
Kc Rossi 18:06
Just kind of take a step back and get a new perspective on this. So Angela, how do you feel then emotions affect our productivity, and our life and business for that matter, but I know you focus on productivity. So I'm very curious thoughts.
Angela Kristen Taylor 18:22
So I always say productivity is rooted in emotion. And so essentially, in a very basic level, how you feel on the inside is what dictates what you do on the outside. And so if you think about it, I always talk about productivity as emotion, energy, time and focus, right. And so if you wake up, and you're having just this blah day, like you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, nothing's going right, you're arguing, you're, you know, stressed out, you spilled your coffee all over you, whatever, your bad morning, and you're just like, wow, then what happens is, you're more likely to choose everything you do that day, based on how you're feeling. So for instance, if somebody has or you have sweets or something like that, you're more likely to eat them, you're more likely to go for comfort food, than you are the healthy choice that you might normally pick, you're more likely to have a drink at the end of the night, something alcoholic, that you maybe you wouldn't during the week or something, you know. And so it's also going to make you work slower, and you're going to be more frustrated as you do. And the things that take more of your energy through the day are going to drain you much faster. And to the point where there are certain things like maybe going live on social media, or doing a class or something like that, that you're just going to feel like oh, I can't do it today. I just can't. And so you cancel it or you reschedule something or you tell yourself, well, I'll do that live another day, and then you hope for a better day to do it. And so what happens is we're always putting ourselves into this space of being ruled by what our emotions are dictating for us. And so when we do that, we we make poor food choices, which then affect our gut health, which then are affecting the way our brains are operating and our emotions are feeling. And that just takes us further down this negative spiral. And then we're not using our time well, and we're not effective with our time, because it's very difficult to be creative, or industrious, or, you know, really accomplish something, if you're in a bad emotional state. And then so if you're not using your time, well, it's really hard to focus really hard to focus and you say, nothing works.
Kc Rossi 20:49
It's gonna be a vicious cycle, because then you're gonna not get your to do list on or your obligations, and that's going to cause shame and guilt. And you're just behind the eight ball the next time you come to your office. So I can really see that how do we break the cycle?
Angela Kristen Taylor 21:04
Yeah, so what I do is I start with focus, and then we work our way backwards. So I start with that setting your GPS exercise that I told you about figuring out what it is that you really want, like, what is the perfect lifestyle? What does that look like? Let's walk through a day from the moment you wake up to when you go to bed, what does that look and feel like? And because we're doing it in a meditative state, we're seeing what comes up, instead of pushing out what we think we should want. And so it's much more of talking to the subconscious than talking to the conscious, which is so helpful. And then when we see that and we visualize it, we're like, Oh, my God, yes. I've never even thought of that before. That's so, so perfect. If I could have that. I could have everything. And then it's like, okay, we figure out what things we can do now to make that happen now. So when I did that, for myself, the first thing I realized was, I didn't want to work Mondays or Fridays. Like, I didn't want to do that. And I was thinking, you know, it would be really great if I could take a week off every month. And then I was like, Well, if I just set up my programs like that, so that my clients get three calls a month during weeks one through three, and that those calls are on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, well, then I could totally do that now. And that just gave me so much freedom. And I was like, Oh my gosh, if I could do that, what else can I do? And so you start plugging your your time into that lifestyle that you you've visualized. And then once you have that time set up, it also helps you understand what you're kicking to the curb, what's important, what's a priority, right? Or who do you need to have to help you with things? Right? Like, I have my my podcast producers, right? Oh, I'm not gonna do that. I don't even know how I don't want to know how. It's like, it's one of those things. So you start shuffling things out, and then you realize that your energy, right, your energy is really there for you. And that you start to make better choices with your eating because you're not so stressed out. Because now you have a focus, you have goals, you have a life that you visualize that you're you're striving to get to when you see it, you can see it. And so you're starting to take those those steps and working it into your day. So you're starting to live it. And so the energy is there. And so you make better food choices, you make better lifestyle choices. And then what happens is that the only thing left are the old stories. And the old stories, once we understand how to see them as that, then then it's like we can separate them.
Kc Rossi 23:48
Yes. Yeah. And and what I can really sense is, no matter how stuck a person is, once you start kind of chipping that eggshell that will ultimately have a crack where the light can come in and illuminate what the journey is for you. Or feel that momentum. Like once you even start feeling physically better. There's just going to be like, Oh, wow, I did this, there'll be some self satisfaction. Now we're kind of turning that vicious cycle into the happiness cycle, which is awesome. And I think it doesn't take a lot. That's, that's one of the reasons why I do love having podcasts and connecting with individuals like yourself, because the listeners can get motivated by a spark because everything is energy. So if they can just hear a spark from our conversation that just gives them a perspective shift or just gives them a way to do their life just 2% different, you know, then that's amazing, like that's the momentum that can just kind of get those wheels turning. So your mama of five I know you said only one still lives under your roof, but there's still a lot of juggling going on with all the roles and and all of our identities that we tried to do so well. What is your favorite balancing tip?
Angela Kristen Taylor 25:05
I think it is. Really, I mean, for me it is, it was that exercise of really starting to figure out what I wanted. Because it there, there's so many things are always competing for our attention. And if we, I call it setting your GPS, because when we get in the car, it doesn't matter where we're going, if even if we know where we're going, if we go into the store up the street, you're going to map it out on your GPS, because it's going to tell you, if that road, you always like to put the pedal to the metal on, there's a cop sitting there, you know, it's going to tell you if there's an accident at the intersection. And so you always set your GPS because you want to get to your destination as quickly as possible and as easily as possible. But we don't really do that in our lives. And a lot of people more so than I mean, I was shocked by the number of people that I talked to that have this this thing come up is that they've never thought about what they wanted. They're only thinking about how do I get through this? Yeah, and that is, oof, that's hard. Because if you're focusing on your life, like I just got to get through this, I just got to make enough money to pay my bills and make the mortgage payment and make sure I can keep everybody fed and clothed and housed.
Kc Rossi 26:28
There's no joy.
Angela Kristen Taylor 26:30
Yeah. And that's the thing is that you have to find your joy. And the only way you're going to find that is by really understanding what is the destination? Where is it that you want to go? And when you understand the destination really see it? That's when you can start to weed through what gets you there and what doesn't?
Kc Rossi 26:53
Are you a fan of the law of attraction? Like when you're talking about strongly seeing and you're talking about meditation, like, Where does manifesting come into play, if at all?
Angela Kristen Taylor 27:03
Yeah, so I mean, I think when it comes to manifestation that you absolutely everybody says, You've got to visualize it, you know, and you have to be very clear in your visualization very clear. And so I have this one client, that man, she is I always call her Miss magic manifester. Because it doesn't matter what it is, like, she literally just makes it happen like this. And she still doubts herself. And yet, it doesn't matter what it is, she's got it instantly. And the moment she says, This is what I want, this is what I'm after, it literally just comes to her. Just like here you go. Because she's very, very specific. She's very, very clear. And if you're not that, then you don't know what you want. It doesn't matter what destination you're trying to get to. You're just kind of stabbing in the dark. So you're just saying, listen, whatever comes my way is cool. Just give me.
Kc Rossi 28:11
Many mixed messages. And that definitely causes static in the channel. And that would be like, typing Chinese into your GPS when it only understands English. So yeah, yes.
Angela Kristen Taylor 28:22
And I always liken it to playing bumper cars instead of actually driving somewhere, you know, so you're just you're playing bumper cars. So you're sitting in a car and you're running around, just jump bouncing into whatever hits you, you know, and that's what you're doing. Because you're not you haven't set a destination for yourself or your life. And one of the things that I think is really port important in that is that your business and your life, especially as entrepreneurs, but any business and even if you're if you're working for somebody, you know, it doesn't matter. Your life and your work should go hand in hand somehow. Because otherwise there's there's no joy in it for you. You know, and so you know, I've been an entrepreneur, my entire adult life my husband does not is not being an entrepreneur is not anything he has ever been interested in. And he's very much a company man. He's very loyal and devoted to the company he works for. And he loves his job. And it suits him to a tee. He's a project manager and he loves projects. He loves nothing more than to work on projects. He sees everything in his life as a project. And he is very meticulous. He's very detail oriented. It suits him so well. And when we have an idea of what it is, we actually want to live, you know, it's like it's like choosing the perfect script, the perfect movie that that you want to play. And I think we don't realize that we get to choose and so Clear don't choose Yes. If we don't choose, then whatever is what comes, whatever comes because nobody knows. It's like, what do you want? Do you want this orange? Do you want this apple, you want this tuna sandwich, I don't know what you want, I'm just gonna throw them all at you.
Kc Rossi 30:15
So Angela, if we have a listener that feels like their life is like being in a bumper car and they're getting knocked around, they're exhausted, they're spinning their wheels, putting in effort, but really not feeling the joy? How can they learn more about you to set that GPS for themselves?
Angela Kristen Taylor 30:31
Uh, yeah, they can go to productive flow.com is the easiest way you can learn all about the different stuff that I offer. And then if if they are women, and they tend to follow that blue path, we have a really amazing group community membership that we created called Journey Alchemist collective. And it's about really taking on the entire journey of your life and every life that you've lived and seeing how they start to feed in. And we have a hypnotherapist and a Human Design Specialist and an ancient woman's wisdom specialist, and then me and we, the four of us pull all of this stuff together to help them understand their entire journey and how it all connects. And I think that that is it's a really, really cool thing that we put together. We just did it this last year. And it's just been amazing. So yeah.
Kc Rossi 31:25
It sounds like a very special sisterhood. So awesome. I'll put in the links in the show notes. And if you wanted to leave our listeners with one final, bright light piece of wisdom, what would you like to leave?
Angela Kristen Taylor 31:39
I would like to tell them that it doesn't matter what you've been through. It doesn't matter what you've experienced. It doesn't matter what you've heard people say to you or about you that there's magic inside of you. You're here for a reason. And the way you are is exactly who you are meant to be. And there's strength in that. And there's there's nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. You're perfect. Just the way you are. You just need to see it.
Kc Rossi 32:11
Oh, that's beautiful. I love it. That's awesome. Thank you so much for being here.
Angela Kristen Taylor 32:16
Thank you.
Kc Rossi 32:17
All right. Until next time, my friend breathe joy. I hope you enjoyed today's episode with Angela Kristen Taylor. If so you can head on over to www.lovethepodcast.com/brilliance to rate and review the show. Also, it would be amazing if you wanted to share this with one of your business besties who you think could benefit from this episode all about productivity flow, and really sinking into your identity. Until next week, my friend...breathe joy!
