Kc Rossi (00:00:02) - Welcome to Heart Glow CEO™, where high achievers evolve into purpose-driven powerhouses. I'm Kc Rossi, your Integrative Leadership Coach. Join us to break free from people pleasing and burnout, exploring mindset, embodiment, and soul alignment. Discover expert insights, success stories, and actionable tips for wholistic wealth on your terms. This is where transformation meets the modern female leader. Let's go!
Hello. Hello, CEOs. Welcome back to another empowering episode where we dive deep into the world of leadership, self-discovery, and success. Today's episode is all about understanding the subtle yet powerful distinction between expectation and agreement. How does your brain perceive these concepts and how can they impact your journey as high achieving female leaders? Let's explore together.
I first heard about this distinction between expectation and agreement years ago from Master Coach and author of 30 books, Steve Chandler, and it had a great impact on me. In fact, when I share this information with clients, it's been such a game changer for them that I knew I had to have a wider reach and put an episode together on the podcast.
Kc Rossi (00:01:31) - Now we often hear the terms expectation and agreement thrown around, but have you ever stopped to consider the profound impact they can have on both your professional and personal life? Research indicates that our brain processes these two concepts quite differently. Before we go into the science, let's learn about the definitions. Oxford defines expectations as a strong belief that something will happen. Here's the thing expectations are like silent scripts we write in our minds, anticipating a particular outcome. I'm going to say it again expectations are like silent scripts we write in our minds, anticipating a particular outcome. It's powerful. When I think of expectations, it feels like a monologue or like someone speaking at me. Many times. Expectations are fear-based and laced with a mind-reading element. If you have thoughts when something doesn't go as planned, like, well, they should have known. I'm not going to micromanage. It's clear what we needed or if I have to spell it out for them, then I'm going to shoot you straight that it's a pretty good indicator... It was an expectation.
Now let's shift your focus to the power of agreements. Unlike expectations, agreements involve conscious choices and a shared understanding. They provide a solid foundation for collaboration, trust, and accountability. When everyone is on the same page, it not only enhances productivity, but it supports a supportive culture where each team member feels valued.
Remember, Heart Glow CEOs agreements are the glue that holds successful teams together.
Now an agreement is defined as harmony or accordance, an opinion or feeling. Isn't that a cool definition? I think of music when I hear harmony like a beautiful, well-orchestrated symphony. Harmony is a combination. There is more than one part. Its mutual agreements involve conscious decisions, clear communication, and a shared understanding. I want to underscore shared agreements are co-created, co-designed, and collaborative. When I think of an agreement, a stimulating conversation with another person or people comes to mind. A dialogue back and forth like a good game of tennis. Although I don't play tennis, but it's what I imagine, like a good game of tennis, where you're both playing to win and there is an energy between one another.
Kc Rossi (00:04:22) - What comes to mind for you? Now let's see how your brain responds differently to each. Recent studies have shown that our brains respond differently to expectations and agreements. When you set expectations, your brain activates the areas associated with reward and anticipation. Think of it like a built-in motivation system on alert. However, if those expectations aren't met, you most likely will experience disappointment or frustration, and blame is very common here. One thing I want to interject also is when you look at leadership through the lens of above and below the line, when you're below the line, it's actually from that kind of victim standpoint where blame is very common and you don't take any accountability. And so expectations are really on that side when you kind of put it on a left-right diagram versus. Agreements, which in an agreement there is an accountability or responsibility, and people are much more likely to execute on an agreement that they've actually co-designed. There is something in the brain with that accountability that assist them to move forward to crossing that finish line.
Kc Rossi (00:05:52) - Now, in most cases, when you think of a one-sided conversation, it's not often that expectations are met because it stems from more of a dictatorship versus a democratic approach. I'm sure you've heard the motto no expectations, no disappointments. I actually think we could do a whole nother episode on life through that lens. But just to stay focused on this agreement's trigger areas linked to cooperation and social interaction. Isn't that cool to just kind of see the differences? And I'm gonna link a study that kind of backs this up. If you geek out on this like I do. So studies have shown that collaborative thinking. Agreements, on the other hand, trigger areas linked to cooperation and social interaction. Studies have shown that collaborative learning impacts learners by helping them develop high-level thinking, increases self-esteem, boosts confidence, and improves their interpersonal and leadership skills. I find it fascinating, and if you geek out on this stuff like I do, I'll drop a link to an article that kind of shows the four different areas of the brain and how this all interacts.
Kc Rossi (00:07:23) - Bottom line for our purposes today, this underlines the importance of clear communication and collaboration in the workplace. I want you to just take a minute, get grounded, kind of drop into your body, and think of a time when you had a problem at work. Bring it up in your mind. Maybe it's even a recent challenge. Now ask yourself, was the issue a result of an expectation versus an agreement? Pretty fascinating, isn't it? If you know my work at all, you know that I integrate Somatics. In a nutshell, that basically just means we include the body in our decisions. We're paying attention to what is happening chin down. So how does your body respond to expectation versus agreement? Remember, you have brain cells in your belly and your cells are always watching. Taking in information like imprints which affects how you think, act, and ultimately your results or lack thereof. There's a lot packed into that. So I'm just going to say it again. You have brain cells literally in your belly.
Kc Rossi (00:08:40) - They have tested this. And it's not just our eyes that are responsible for what we take in for that, for those inputs. But all the cells in our whole entire being, in our whole entire soma are taking in inputs, are breathing in information in, and they act as imprints. That's going to affect your whole cognitive triangle how you think, act, and your results. So think about how you feel when you have an expectation. When someone says to you, I expect you to XYZ or I expected you to say fill in the blank. What physical sensations did you experience?
(00:09:27) - Warm. Open. Light. Heavy. Contracted. Pressured. Expectations typically come with a sense of fear and promote insecurity. Why? Because it's an unknown. We are expecting a result, but we're not sure it's going to happen. Many times it's a reactive response. If you feel like you're putting out fires, a lot of the time, it could be a result of having expectations versus agreements in place. "If you don't like a situation, go create an agreement that changes it." That is one of my favorite quotes from Steve.
On the flip side, how does your body feel if you have an agreement? If you've put in the effort and have a shared intentionality with the person. For me, there is a sense of security, trust, and faith. It doesn't mean that it's going to 100% always work out. But there's a different quality in my whole system, in my soma, when I've agreed. And there is a mutual trust. What about you?
How I use agreements versus expectations in my work. In terms of coaching, setting a coaching agreement is essential not only at the beginning of an engagement, but at the top of each session as well. This sets the foundation of our relationship and the call at the beginning of the coaching package. My client and I work on an individual development plan IDP for short. One of the sections in the IDP is the outcomes part. I ask how will you know if you met your goals? If coaching was successful, what will you feel at the end of our time with one another? This has been a fantastic mutual working document that we can come back to again and again to make sure our GPS coordinates are set right and haven't changed.
Kc Rossi (00:11:29) - Now, here's the thing I want to point out here that if there's been any kind of significant change with one of your agreements, it's smart to re-establish the agreement. Think of it as a work order change with your general contractor. Collaborate again on what's going to work best for both parties now, and how it can be a win-win moving forward, and then reset the agreement. For example, if someone drops the ball or communicates that they can't meet a desired goal, you can ask, what can you promise me for sure now?
Remember, if something has shifted, you need to reestablish an agreement. And so many people forget to do this and it's crucial. So that's the overall engagement agreement. But that doesn't mean we set it and forget it. For energy, focus, and collaboration. In each session, I ask my clients what will make this a stellar session for you? What must you walk away with today? This opens the space for them to share what's top of mind, their biggest challenge, or what they want support with. We agree and then we dive in.
Can you imagine how this leads to strong, tangible results? Can you think of what it would look like if my client came in with assumptions, and I conducted from a place of expectations, a very different story indeed.
As high-achieving leaders, it's common for us to set high standards for ourselves and our teams. However, relying solely on unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings, stress, and conflict. Our brains. You, my friend, me we are not mind readers and assumptions can create unnecessary hurdles. It's crucial to communicate openly and establish clear agreements to foster a positive and productive work environment.
I want you to write this down. Great leaders have agreements versus expectations.
Setting ambitious goals is essential, but ensuring that everyone is aligned and committed through clear agreements is equally vital. It's not about lowering your expectations but elevating your communication and collaboration skills. This balance is where the magic happens. Fostering an environment of mutual respect and shared success. As CEOs, let's embrace the power of conscious communication, collaboration, and setting the stage for success.
Kc Rossi (00:14:14) - It's not just about achieving goals, it's about creating a workplace where everyone's light shines. Until next time, keep glowing. Keep leading. Keep making a difference in the world.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. For me, like I said, it's been a total game changer, not only individually in my personal life where I have assumptions or like whenever there's a little rumble, I'm like, oh wait, hold on a second. And I go back and I check myself. Did we agree, or was I just assuming, was I just expecting? And then again, also in the workplace, as you can see, when we are so clear, when it is a collaboration, when we're not being talked to or we're not like having this power over. It completely shifts everything. It shifts everything. So I'm really curious how this lands for you. I love hearing from you. And until next time, my friend... breathe, joy.
