**Kc Rossi** (00:00:02) - Welcome to Heart Glow CEO™, where high achievers evolve into purpose-driven powerhouses. I'm Kc Rossi your Integrative Leadership Coach. Join us to break free from people pleasing and burnout, exploring mindset, embodiment, and soul alignment. Discover expert insights, success stories, and actionable tips for holistic wealth on your terms. This is where transformation meets the modern female leader. Let's go!
Welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is a continuation of last week's discussion on increasing confidence as a leader, inspired by one of my clients, a non-profit director. If you missed part one, we focused on self-resourcing with words of affirmation. We explored how affirmations can support our cause by leveraging Cognitive Behavioural Theory, otherwise known as CBT. This shows that our thoughts influence our feelings directly impacting our results.
Today we're diving into navigating feelings in the workplace. I'd like to share three ways to master emotions in leadership. You've heard me talk about the Mindset Cascade™ before. It's crucial to revisit this because mindset is such a big topic. Starting your day with positive thoughts disrupts negative thinking patterns, preventing a grim and unproductive path.
**Kc Rossi** (00:01:36) - Remember, you control your thoughts. Why not reprogram yourself for the better, leaving you motivated and resourceful? I don't know about you, but I'm here for that. All right, so the other thing too, is I'm a fan of a two-pronged approach. In part one, we explored adding something - adding in those words of affirmation. Today we're going to talk about just "being" with your feelings, attuning to what is without any need to add, change, or fix.
This is Powerful!
**Kc Rossi** (00:02:12) - So I invite you to do a simple exercise. If you're driving or on a treadmill while you're listening to this, you can always come back to it. But I want you to ask yourself 'What is present in this NOW moment, with no problem to solve and nothing to fix?' I'm going to repeat that. So I'm going to invite you to just take a breath, and get grounded and centered. Really connect, if you're standing with your feet. If you're sitting with your seat. And just tune in. Ask yourself 'What is present in this NOW moment with no problem to solve and nothing to fix?' This concept struck me during a conscious leadership program. It really surprised me because when I allowed myself to tune in and stop my mind from spinning and being so attached to the to-do list. And really tuning in to that in this now moment, what is present? There was such peace and gratitude that arose. And when my clients do this, when we're in session, they're usually pretty astounded, when they can stop the noise and really, really see what bubbles up for them. So try it out for yourself.
There is something really magical about sitting with what is in a quiet, contemplative way. Now, for high achievers like you and me, this can be surprisingly challenging. We are quick to solve, act, analyze, and fix. I struggle with this too. But there's a great power in the pause in recognizing that we're more than just a head on a stick. What is it like to live from the chin down? That's where our feelings come in. Our relationship with our soma.
**Kc Rossi** (00:04:13) - Now, feelings are a big, beautiful topic, often ignored or suppressed in our business selves to meet the expectations of others. But to be the full expression of the authentic leader that you are - this stops today.
Before we dive deeper into navigating feelings, let's get on the same page about them. Have you ever seen the Feeling Wheel? It was first developed by American Psychologist Robert Pertchik in 1980 and later, and I think this one is a little bit more widely recognized by Doctor Gloria Wilcox in 1982. Hers has a little bit more details. Many times you'll see kind of the color of the rainbow that is associated with the various emotions and feelings on the wheel.
And it's really cool because apps like Calm and Noom are starting to include the feeling wheel and their teachings. And of course, many other leadership coaches and therapists also use it. The more you identify your feelings beyond just mad and sad and glad, the better you can understand the depth and nuance of your emotions. I'll pop a link to the feelings wheel in the show notes so you can have a look.
**Kc Rossi** (00:05:32) - I know myself I'm a visual learner. Another great resource is Brené Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart. She details 87 emotions and experiences in a really meaningful way. I highly recommend it. I also found the Audible audiobook version of it a really helpful companion to the beautiful hardcover. So check it out if you're if you're called to it.
Why should you care about feelings as a leader? Isn't it more professional to grin and bear it? Never let your direct reports to you sweat.
I believe it's a huge missed opportunity to hide behind a mask in the name of professionalism. We are sentient beings experiencing joy, pleasure, pain, and distress. Now there are no bad emotions. We need to know darkness to understand light.
What's the point of harnessing the power of all five senses if we're going to stuff down our authentic reactions? There is so much going generic right now from AI communication and fake ways you can filter your face to mass production. Part of your courageous, beautiful leadership role is your unique personality, flaws, and all.
**Kc Rossi** (00:06:55) - That is the gift of being human; the multifaceted, unique, mysterious terrain of you.
Now, does it mean we throw anger management out the window? Absolutely not. Emotional intelligence includes aspects of stress tolerance, interpersonal relationships, and self-expression. I use the EQi-2.0 emotional intelligence assessment in my work, which has proven to be a really helpful resource. In fact, if you're interested in learning more about that or taking the assessment, go ahead and reach out to me.
But for now, here are three ways to master emotions in leadership:
1. The first one is to become aware of your emotions
Ask yourself at random times during the day, how am I feeling? Where am I feeling this in my body? This simple practice is especially helpful for heady types like us. This is a no-judgment practice. You are just being curious, like a detective gathering information. It's just data. And the more you tune in and name your feelings, the more you'll start to feel integrated from embodiment. For this to be truly effective, the process cannot be rushed. Pause. Breathe. Ground yourself and then ask. And once you register your response, you can move on.
2. Step two is to familiarize yourself with a wide range of feelings
Back to Brené Brown. She asked over 7000 people how many emotions they could identify. The research found that a typical human can identify just three emotions happy, sad, and pissed off. We can do better than that!
One way to do this is to befriend one emotion at a time. Understand it. Experience it. Journal about it. Discuss it with a friend.
This brings me back to when I was first learning aromatherapy many years ago, and one practice we did was to befriend an essential oil - just one at a time. Established a relationship, like established a connection with that essential oil. And we imagined all of its makeup - its color, the aroma, the therapeutic properties, its chemistry, the place it was grown, its history and folklore. It was really like meeting a new friend, being so curious about them and their history and what they were all about and their personality. And this was a deepening exercise, and one that served me greatly as I grew in my blending abilities. I think this similar practice would be very valuable here as well, as you start to befriend your emotions and understand them in a deep way.
So I invite you to print out the feeling wheel. And for example, you could glance at anger on the wheel. That's one of the big three that people could distinguish between. If you dig in a little and you branch off emotions from there. What you're going to find is letdown, humiliated, aggressive, and distant. If you move out one more section on the wheel, there is betrayal, violation, jealousy, and annoyance. Being able to pinpoint with greater clarity is important.
Why? Because when you start to deepen your personal development skills and connect dots, you will begin to recognize patterns and root emotions -- combinations that tend to show up over and over again. Then you can decipher meanings and tweak along the way. You may start to notice movement from empty to inspired, from judgmental to trusting, from nervous to content just by attention, understanding your meaning that you're giving the emotion and perspective shift. This is about getting curious and looking into it. This is not about perfection. This is about awareness and perspective.
It's a tool that you can come back to repeatedly to gather more information about your reactions and relationship to your emotions. I know we're really talking about navigating emotions and feelings in the workplace, but I'm just going to give you a personal example just to kind of see how my brain pieces together.
So at the end of a long day, my habit would be to eat in front of the tube. However, many times I wasn't hungry. Rather, I was tired. But my lack of awareness, my disconnection with my soma caused me to get a numbed-out feeling by mindlessly eating. Once I became aware of this coping mechanism, I practiced slowing down, breathing, tuning in, and recognizing the message my body was trying to communicate.
And then I had a choice. I could ask clarity questions and then act accordingly like, are you stomach hungry? If so, eat. Are you tired? Then rest. Bored? Try organizing. Stressed? Take a salt bath. It's much more empowering to partner with your feelings and your soma. The clearer you are about the definition and connotation each feeling has, the better you'll be to fully understand, articulate, and feel it.
3. Number three is give yourself permission to express yourself
With awareness and education allow what naturally wants to bubble up. Allow it to have an outlet. I think of like a pressure cooker where there's all this stuff going on inside the pot. If it didn't have a release valve, it would explode, right? And I often feel in our systems, when we don't have that connection with our emotions, we have dis-ease. There is something that is uncomfortable. You can even feel it. Like when you're swallowing your words, you get that lump in your throat. When you push down your anger for whatever reason, right? You can start to feel either a pit in your stomach or even compression around your heart area. This is so similar to that pressure cooker that just naturally needs an outlet. So allow what naturally wants to bubble up with what naturally wants to release. Allow it to have that escape valve, that outlet, that release.
What I often hear from leaders is that they don't want to appear weak. That showing emotions will somehow diminish their respect. If navigated well through mindful intention and practice, quite the opposite is true. People relate to people and being in this human experience is being subject to the rainbow of emotions. We are not robots after all.
Having a poker face and remaining neutral on all subjects may appear calm, cool, and collected, but it's not relatable and it does not lead to the way for authentic expression or connection. The definition of flatline is no activity and death. You, my friend, are alive, loving and courageous. Don't be afraid to show your colors - the full spectrum. This practice will increase trust in yourself and others, prevent emotional stuckness, and align your energy.
The other fear that I hear is that if leaders appear loving and empathetic, they will get taken advantage of.
This topic could be a completely new episode, but suffice it to say that this is more of a healthy boundaries and confident communication issue than suppression of softness.
I'd like to point out that if you deny part of the wheel because of a negative connotation that you've assigned to it, like nervousness, hesitation, or disappointment, then you will also damper down the other side of the feelings like energy, eagerness, a sense of awe and power. And you know, when someone has dialed into those positive emotions, they are magnetic. They are influential leaders with true legacy impact. The brave, the bold, the integrated.
Navigating feelings in the workplace involves culture, trust, confidence, and leadership. Respect these elements.
Remember, change happens at the speed of safety. Be patient as you implement this new approach. With intention, awareness, articulation, and practice, you'll begin to feel safe and assured. Authentic expression will soon feel natural and suppressing it will feel unnatural. I'm excited for you to explore this.
Freedom, respect, and connection await.
**Kc Rossi** (00:16:09) - I'd love to hear how it goes for you. When you step up, change the status quo, question outdated paradigms, and lead the way from your heart... great things will happen. Let's go!
